I went to the police station to report my car stolen. The police took quite a few details, and told me they'd look into it. I did tell them one white lie, regarding the car. I told them that I owned a maroon Lada 66TT. In reality, I've never owned a car, let alone had one stolen. I can't even drive. I hope this doesn't impede their investigation. Incidentally, I don't think that Lada produces a car called the 66TT.
MARCH AND APRIL
I have no memory of these months
Charged with wasting police time. After which, I cooked:
2 x eggs
1 x half loaf of bread (IMPORTANT MUST either be brown, white, granary, rye, 'best of both', or any other type of bread available)
1 x handful of pasta spirals
1 x half bag of frozen peas
11 x heaped table spoons of salt
1 x half jar of instant coffee.
Preheat oven to highest setting. Place the bread evenly on the baking tray, crush pasta spirals with a hammer, and sprinkle onto the bread, until all bread is covered. Add the frozen peas, and place in the oven for 15 minutes. Remove, and add the coffee and the salt. Serve with tap water, preferable lots, to compensate for the high salt levels.
I made this several times, however I stopped eventually, as it tended to make me physically sick.